Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Randomize
