people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
