Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Randomize
