Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
