She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
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