Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
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