You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize