rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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