what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
