we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
