I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
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