Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize