just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
