Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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