how can u be prego again
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
His hands were made for my vagina.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
