sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
