I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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