i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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