Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize