you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
