I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
