He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
