Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
