every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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