he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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