shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Just took my morning after pill in the library
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Randomize
