I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
