Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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