i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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