Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Rumble strips road head = magical
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
