You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Do vagina's smell?
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize