I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
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