names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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