i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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