I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
