batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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