Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
