All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
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