Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
