Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
My vagina just clenched in fear
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