sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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