She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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