you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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