I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
