What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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