the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I would ride that face into the sunset
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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