Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
