Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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