Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Randomize
