I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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