so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
