I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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