dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
