One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
