At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
