im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Randomize
