You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Randomize
