we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
