Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
