got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Randomize
