we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
