I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
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