He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
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