dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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