you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
