we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
