You're my little dorito
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
