imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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