I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
