Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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