Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
