You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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