I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
