I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
