he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
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