you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
